urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz TiTaN TiTaN 2007-07-25T13:20:40Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:175797 2007-07-25T13:20:40Z 2007-07-25T13:20:40Z Dad has had surgery, and results will come through tomorrow.<br />Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer, and went into chemo yesterday<br />My sis in law is having complications and has high blood pressure, so may be induced for birth tomorrow.<br />I started a new job monday.<br /><br />Everything is all a bit overwhelming. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:175520 2007-07-12T13:23:51Z 2007-07-12T13:23:51Z So I come home from a 12 hour day at work<br /><br />And everything changes with a few words....my brother is sitting at my dining room table and he never visits....mum is there with him.<br /><br />Antony, Sit down we need to talk...<br /><br />No news is good news. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:175339 2007-07-05T00:16:16Z 2007-07-05T00:16:16Z Mum flew down to stay with me for 5 weeks last night. WHich has now been shortened to three weeks. Dad had two melanoma....one of which they think may have spread to the glands under his arms or to his groin....theyre doing surgery and further tests soon. If it has spread, he will have to have chemo.... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:174892 2007-06-12T15:36:59Z 2007-06-12T15:38:10Z OMG I dont know whether to laugh at the stupidity of it, or be offended by the ignorance of it!<br /><br />GO LOOK!<br /><br /><a href="http://perezhilton.com/topics/headline_of_the_week/headline_of_the_week_weak_20070612.php">Pentagon Confirms It Sought To Build A 'Gay Bomb'</a><br /><br />And people wonder why we think americans are dumb. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:174540 2007-06-12T03:29:41Z 2007-06-12T03:29:41Z You know how songs bring back memories or you have a person that a song reminds you of?<br /><br />I put my itunes on shuffle and this is what I came up with.<br /><br />Alanis - Hands Clean - Driving in the snow in Canada 2002 with Kathleen<br />Pussy Cat Dolls - Beep - Hayden, Jeremy, Holley and Me dancing podium at the Court 2005<br />Regina Spektor - Samson - Paulo 2006<br />Espen Lind - When Suzanna Cries - Darmstadt, Germany - Paula and Me sitting on her balcony in the rain. 2002<br />Peaches - Operate - Hanging out with Julian just after we'd become friends, 2006<br />Silverchair - Emotion Sickness - 1999 - Rottnest Year 10<br />Brick - Ben Folds Five - Ryan, who loves to play ben folds<br />Greenday - When I Come around - My Brother when I was little<br />Gwen Stefani - Bubble Pop Electric - Claire Scarf rocking out in the car on the way to the gym 2006<br />Shakira - Objection (Tango) - Shaking bootie with Catherine at the Deen when Loop used to still play there live every saturday (2003)<br />Bodyrox Feat Lucia - Yeah Yeah - Peaking off my face at connies 2007 with jeremy simon and paulo<br />Iio - Rapture - THE Song of end of 2001, jacqui, cat, steph, ryan, tina<br />Melina Jackson - Fall in Love - Paul and I dancing around at work<br />Natalie Imbruglia - Beauty on the Fire - Sitting on the window sill at the top of the tallest building in boston, 2003 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:174320 2007-06-11T02:07:37Z 2007-06-11T02:07:37Z Steph came over yesterday. Shes decided to stay in Perth rather than take the posting to China, before she decided she asked me what I thought she should do...but thats not something I can answer for her.<br />Im definitely glad shes staying, shes one of those people I share a bond and history with. There arent too many people left now.<br /><br />Bit sick, getting better.<br /><br />Note to self, dont take too many cold and flu tablets all at once... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:174029 2007-06-08T08:04:32Z 2007-06-08T08:04:32Z Paris Hilton is out of jail, now she might be going back in.<br /><br />She must love all the publicity. I bet she'll write a tell all book about it....Well she'll say three words and some author will turn it into a book. Its not like she can write.<br /><br />Furthermore the slut must love going in and out, its a change for her coz shes used to having things go in and out of her instead.<br /><br />FREE US FROM PARIS! Someone run her over! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:173695 2007-06-07T04:46:28Z 2007-06-07T04:46:28Z Three months, and im still breathing<br />Been a long road since those hands i left my tears<br />But I know its never really over<br /><br />Three months and im still standing here<br />Three months and im getting better<br />Three months. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:173340 2007-05-27T04:56:53Z 2007-05-27T04:56:53Z God for some reason the football is on on my tv and the sound is muted.<br /><br />It just looks like a bunch of kids playing chasie and fighting over a ball....and then chucking a tantrum at the teacher (referee) when they're told they're not playing nice.<br /><br />No wonder they give them a point for missing...to stop them whinging more<br /><br />"Oh nice try you missed give him a point for participating anyway"<br /><br />I love sports! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:173294 2007-04-25T15:25:00Z 2007-04-25T15:25:00Z Hehe....loves it<br /><br /><img src="http://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j174/lasupersofi/yoga.jpg" title="Bitter with Baggage"> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:172906 2007-03-27T00:43:02Z 2007-03-27T00:43:02Z My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words Jacqui gets back this week from sydney. It wil be the first time that ive seen her since december 2005. I cant wait to laugh, cry, hug and just share everything. One of those friends that although we havent seen each other for such a long time, she will walk in th door and it will be like i saw her yesterday.....one of those people, a lifelong friend, that you know no matter where life takes either of you, or whether you lose contact, that you are in their thoughts and they are in yours.<br /><br />Some people are fleeting, some people are not. However you can never tell which ones will be which until it happens. <br /><br />Someone said that to me recently.<br /><br />Excited!!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:172632 2007-03-25T02:43:09Z 2007-03-25T02:43:09Z Trying to forget certain events are very hard when your subconcious wont let you...I wish i didnt dream urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:172505 2007-03-18T14:49:48Z 2007-03-18T14:49:48Z Forgive, sounds good<br />Forget, I not sure I could<br />They say, time heals everything.<br /><br /><br />But im still waiting? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:172186 2007-03-09T12:46:46Z 2007-03-09T12:46:46Z <object width="425" height="350"> <param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/5b9OZ2VMwTQ"></param> <embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/5b9OZ2VMwTQ" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350" allowScriptAccess="never"></embed> </object> <br /><br />I think I might be skitz too if this was me. Hell im crazy enough without it! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:171865 2007-02-20T08:21:37Z 2007-02-20T08:21:37Z So my house has sold, the one that I lived in for 17 years. It feels weird, but everytime I go back there it feels a little less like home, things are getting moved out and as the stuff goes, the familiarity of it does too.<br /><br />I cant wait for the Piano to be delivered to my unit next week, its been so frustrating having to go home to practice. Oh and i get the big fridge....no shitty little bar fridge for me no more! hehe<br /><br />Going up to darwin for four days this friday which is nice, itll be good to just go up and do nothing but read a book for four days and then when I come back uni will have started. Itll be nice to have a small break before the grind of semester starts again. <br /><br />One semester left and im done....God it will have been 4 1/2 years. Ill have to find a full time job rather than a casual one..eek. But having a salary will be cool. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:171681 2007-02-16T00:54:44Z 2007-02-16T08:30:11Z I had the most intense dream last night.<br /><br />I was back in Louisiana (I spent a year there as an exchange student when I was 17) and I was seeing all my old friends and talking to my host parents and at my family home there.<br /><br />Then we were all on canoes on a Bayou (swamp) near new orleans trying to paddle to a pizza hut (no idea why paddling they have roads). But I was too eager to get there and went over a waterfall and went past the shops by like a mile.<br /><br />Suddenly everything was dark and people kept yelling "Katrina is coming! Katrina is coming!" (The Hurricane that destroyed new orleans). But the people in the other boats were now my highschool friends, ryan, kaet, steph, catherine, jacqui. And then I was underwater, there was debris, cars, dead people, houses, boats and i had a torch in my hand and I was swimming through all this trying to find the surface.<br /><br />When I got to the surface it was just me and ryan and we were miles from where the boats all went down in the waves and then we saw a rescue boat and I can remember saying 'A little too much too late' and we hopped on to go back to where the boat went down. <br /><br />We got back to the place and there were bodies everywhere and i was beginning to lose it, poking them and turning them over to see if they were the people I thought they were. But then we heard screams and it was catherine, kaet and jacqui. We got to them on an upturned boat, and as I saw them i didnt even say hello I noticed some black hair in the water.....it was steph floating ace down. All i remember is being in the water and frantically dragging her lifeless body to shore, and then turning her over and was about to do mouth to mouth. At this point she throws up water, groans and goes "Antony we did that when we were 15, you dont like girls". <br /><br />I woke up hysterically crying. I thought she was dead.<br /><br />Ive woken up feeling so tired now.<br /><br />I was just happy she was alive urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:171360 2007-02-13T09:58:50Z 2007-02-13T09:58:50Z I have had such a good weekend its not funny. Im still tryig to process all of this in my head....<br /><br />I feel like im in a very good place right now :) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:171192 2007-02-04T09:11:41Z 2007-02-04T09:11:41Z The whole of yesterday I had woken up feeling really crap and it continued throughout the day, really bad headache, just couldnt get into the groove of the day etc etc.<br /><br />I figured out at about 5pm that I hadnt had a coffee yet. So i had one.<br /><br />Headache gone! Feeling better.<br /><br /><b>I am completely addicted to caffeine</b> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:170885 2007-02-01T23:33:37Z 2007-02-01T23:33:37Z Living alone is cool,<br /><br />But it also sucks sometimes....I am SUCH a messy person and its so hard to keep this place clean.<br /><br />Everyone who thinks im clean doesnt know me very well, you think that coz if i know youre coming over io freak out and clean the place<br /><br />Steph help! hahah actually no, we're both as bad as each other :P urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:170565 2007-01-30T15:41:52Z 2007-01-30T15:41:52Z OK<br /><br />First the All Saints Ruin the Red Hot Chilli Peppers "Under the Bridge"<br /><br />then<br /><br />Madonna screws up "American Pie"<br /><br />but NOW<br /><br />The Sugababes and Girls Aloud have completely MASSACRED<br /><br />Aerosmith's - 'Walk this way'<br />sla<br />Will the madness never end?<br /><br />They deserve to be spat on for this....i like their music (not yours girls aloud you should all be put in a box and sent out to sea) But SERIOUSLY I would slap these girls so hard for this! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:170391 2007-01-02T18:33:36Z 2007-01-02T18:33:36Z 2006<br /><br />It was an eventful year....really it was.<br /><br />It began with a crappy new years that I expected to be good, and for a while kept going downhill. Until I got myself out of the situation I was in, the relationship I was in. I ended it in a stupid way and I paid for it, and I guess in some ways I still am...but I guess that comes with the territory.<br /><br />I would say up until halfway through the year it was definitely the worst probably that I can remember having. I didnt want to do anything, i got sick coz I was partying too hard to try not feel things and I almost dropped out of uni. I had done things that I swore Id never do and had become the person that Id always prided myself on never being. I think I lost my integrity and self worth along the way.<br /><br />But there were people there for me who helped me during that time and I will always remember that. Also new people that I met about halfway through the year around the same time I began sorting myself out again and things began better. I began performing again and enjoying it, I got back into uni, I wanted to see people and went out not coz I had to but because I wanted to an began to look forward to things again.<br /><br />2006 held a lot of changes, vocally, physically, mentally, emotionally. It showed me I can weather some things I once thought I could not. <br /><br />We lost a close family friend towards the end of the year which always puts life in perspective and makes you realise just how pathetic and unimportant some things are.....<br />Recent changes Ill add in quickly because I haven't updated in a long time. Mum ended up coming down for xmas to help my sis in law who broke her foot. Dad followed and we ended up having a somewhat family xmas.<br /><br />A few days later we lost Mrs Pannell and on the same day mum and dad decided to sell the house (not in that order tho). A lady Id known all my life. Watching her daughter at 23 speaking at her mothers funeral barely choking out her words that she had written in a flood of tears the night before tore my heart out, and I had no idea what to say to her after....nothing can make you feel better after you lose part of yourself.<br /><br />Mum and I have found a flat for me to live in, and im moving in slowly and steadily. Bit by bit. I wil have to say goodbye to my cat who is going to my uncle down in armadale which will be very hard. Hes nuzzled into my arm right now purring whilst I type this in bed. I wont have a family home anymore, or live with family, or have parents in the state,which I still have not got used to. Everything seems to be changing lately.<br /><br />I decided after all that, that the new year would be exciting and I would try and be a better person and so i would feel better about myself and my place just in life in general. I went out on new years and I did have a good time. And partied on till the early hours of the morning. <br /><br />Then in the morning when i could actually read my phone and the messages I had gotten I read one in particular.<br /><br />And I realised Id failed already... havent changed and hadnt started to be a better person. Id just reverted back to the person I was and hated myself so much for at the beginning of the year. I hadnt gotten back the integrity I had lost....thats if its possible to get it back.<br /><br />Youd think that I could at least try to last a week before being a complete prick to someone again. I hate hurting people, yet seem to be so good at it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:169984 2006-12-14T14:25:31Z 2006-12-14T14:25:31Z So my sister in law broke her foot and mum has come down to help look after her.<br /><br />I love having mum around, yes im a complete mummies boy, and I dont care. I only see my parents twice a year if im lucky. Its funny how much you appreciate them when they arent around. SHes annoying me already and its wonderful :)<br /><br />I had an audition wed night in which i sang averagely, blah....its hard when youre auditioning with people who won the australian singing competition. <br /><br />I have nice new jeans :) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:169776 2006-12-10T00:24:48Z 2006-12-10T00:25:14Z OH MY GOD!<br /><br />My mum is fliyng down TODAY!<br /><br />SO SO SO SO EXCITED urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:169482 2006-12-07T13:51:10Z 2006-12-07T13:51:10Z hahha quote for the day<br /><br />"Ugh, he's like a cockroach. Ugly and pops up randomly in places where he isnt welcome....and everyone goes omg kill it!' urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:antonyz:169391 2006-12-06T04:14:59Z 2006-12-06T04:14:59Z Evanescence has sampled mozarts lacrymosa from his requiem.....its really good. I remember seeing an interview with amy lee saying that the requiem was her favourite piece of music ever and how much she loves mozart and grew up with his music. This made me like her even more.